It’s Been a While

It’s been a while since I’ve taken some time to sit down and reflect on everything that’s been happening in my life the past few months. I’ve been so caught up in the busy flow of life, I often forget to slow down and breathe a little.

I finished classes about three weeks ago. However, it’s busy season at work again so it’s hardly felt like summer break for me. This will be my last weekend off until August, so I am trying to take full advantage of it.

2016 has been quite the year so far for me. Many people know this who live in Rockford, but for anyone who doesn’t know, Rock Valley College is facing many budget cutbacks right now, and it’s effecting my workplace greatly. I work at Rock Valley College’s Starlight Theatre and this will be my third summer there. It’s the best job I’ve ever had because I get to work for something I love: theatre!

But unfortunately the college board doesn’t understand the importance of the arts as much as I do, and they are threatening to shut it all down. Studio Theatre, which is our indoor theatre that holds productions during the fall, winter, and spring, is now going on hiatus until further notice, and unless a miracle happens soon, Starlight theatre may be ending as well too. Which means that after this summer, I will have no job, and many other wonderful people will loose their jobs as well.

This news rattled my world a few months ago when I learned about it, but it’s so funny how God works isn’t it? Despite all of this, I have a supernatural peace about everything that’s going on. I just know in my heart everything will work out. I don’t want to leave the best job I’ve ever had, but I know that God holds my future and he has a new job picked out for me which will hopefully be even better, although I doubt it could ever be better than working at a theatre.

So I’m not going to worry, and I’m just going to enjoy my summer, and pray for peace in my work place and for my coworkers. And pray that somehow the theatre will be saved.

Aside from my job, 2016 has been a wonderful year so far for me. So many good things keep happening in my life and I know even more good things are coming for me.

A huge thing is my life group! Ever since I graduated high school (Two years ago now which is insane!) I have been praying for a group of godly people my age that I could do life with. Last year, I mustered up enough courage to walk into a stranger’s house that I’d never met before because I was invited to a new life group that was just beginning to form. This was such a huge step for me. I nearly had a panic attack at church the week prior when I was submitting my contact information to get more information about different groups.

I had never felt more welcomed into a group before! I’ve been going consistently since that week and establishing some of the best friendships I’ve had in a long time. Now the girls in my group have been inviting me to hang outs left and right and I can’t believe it! This time last year, I was praying for a group of people just like this and now I have it. God is so good!

This year, I’ve started establishing more healthy habits in my life. Until about a month ago, when I’d lay in bed at night waiting to fall asleep, I’d have my face in phone going through nearly every social media site there is: Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, Snapchat, YouTube, Tumblr. I’d lay there for hours on my phone and when I finally put it down, I’d lay in bed wide awake for who knows how long until I drifted off. This allowed time for my mind to wander, and the Enemy used this time as an excellent way to whisper unhealthy and ungodly thoughts into my head, causing me to overthink and day dream about things I know God doesn’t want for me.

Well, not long ago I started reading the Harry Potter series (Which I am officially obsessed with now!). I started to read them before going to bed because I didn’t have time to during the rest of the day. I quickly began to notice that when I read in bed at night until I could hardly keep my eyes open, I slept better and fell asleep almost instantly after I put the book down! Now I’ve been reading every night as I fall asleep and I never want to go to bed without a book again! It’s so funny how God can use something as silly as an obsession with a book series to be a wake up call like that.

I’ve changed a lot of my eating habits lately as well. I want to start living healthy now while I’m young so I won’t have to deal with it later in life. I’ve even started running. Me, the girl who was always last picked in P.E. class and would walk the mile while everyone else ran it. I’ve wanted to run for a long time, but I never did because I always said I can’t. Well, it’s time I start changing can’ts into cans. I’m starting very slow, only jogging for one or two minutes and walking the rest, but it’s a start, and I’ll slowly build up endurance until one day I’m running not only the mile, but maybe even a 5K as well.

On top of everything else I FREAKING MET DAVID TENNANT two months ago! This year, I got to meet my favorite actor and it was perfect! Bucket list checked. I can die now.

Last month, I drove into Milwaukee with my friend, Rachel, to go see Dan and Phil, two of our favorite YouTubers. We had such an amazing time and seeing them in real life was such an incredible experience. We didn’t get to meet them, but I honestly don’t care. I’m just so happy we had the chance see them. Not only that, but I drove into a big city all by myself for the first time and I feel so accomplished. I’ve never drove on the highway without my dad before, and this was such a huge step proving to myself I could do it.

And even more good things are coming this year too! In July I’m going to see Newsies in Chicago, which is a dream show to see on Broadway. I’m beyond excited for this. And then in August I’m flying to Atlanta to visit my cousins for an entire week. This is the first time I’ll be flying by myself which is a huge step. I am nervous, but excited at the same time. Flying is one of my biggest fears, but I know I can do it. If I can do a two hour flight alone, then maybe one day I can do a flight overseas. It’s a baby step in the right direction.

So many good things are happening despite the craziness of my job right now. I can’t wait to see what God has in store, and right now I’m anchoring myself in him and trusting him with my job and my future. I’m the happiest I’ve been in a long time and I feel like things can only get better from here.

I hope this inspires you,

-Ginny

 

 

I met David Tennant!

I mean, the title basically says it all. But in case you’d like to hear more, here’s the story of how I met the king of all things nerdy, Kilgrave, Barty Crouch Junior, and of course the Tenth Doctor.

Several months ago I was scrolling down my Twitter feed when I noticed one of the David Tennant fan pages I follow posted an announcement saying David Tennant will be appearing at Madison Comic Con this coming April. My heart flipped when I saw Madison. Madison! That’s only about an hour and a half away. I knew it could never happen, but I quickly showed my mom the information and dates anyway. I knew we could never afford to do something like this. Well, to my surprise, she was just as excited as I was and she right away told me we would find a way to do this. She was determined to somehow make this work. She said this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. When do British actors come to Wisconsin? I couldn’t argue with that.

Now, I am a person who never gets their hopes up. Even after we bought the tickets, during the weeks leading up to the event, there was a constant small voice in my head whispering, “He’s going to cancel. He’s going to cancel.” I just didn’t want to be disappointed. So when my mom told me we’d find a way to make it work, on the inside I just laughed and said, “Okay. Whatever.”

Fast forward a few months to when tickets went on sale, we were checking the website with knots in our stomachs and our mouths hanging wide open at the ticket prices. The website basically said the only way you will be guaranteed a photo is if you buy a VIP ticket. I’m not even going to say how much they were because it makes me a little queasy thinking about it. I knew for sure it was never going to happen now. But of course my mom said to me, “I want to do this for you. We’ll find a way. Maybe you can pay for half?”

I thought it over and prayed about it for a while. There were several others things I was saving for and I work part time for minimum wage, so paying for half of the ticket was quite a stretch for me. But it was the Doctor we were talking about. Not only the Doctor but my Doctor. So I said let’s do it. The next day I watched the number in my savings account drop significantly as I helped my parents pay for my birthday present.

Now I was getting excited. It might actually happen. Of course I kept telling myself he was going to cancel so I wouldn’t be disappointed, but the weeks kept passing and there were still no emails about a cancellation.

Then came my birthday, slightly less than a month away from the convention, and my parents handed me a card. I knew their gift to me was half of the ticket, which I was beyond grateful for in and of itself. But then I opened the card to find cash. Lots of cash. It was exactly how much I paid for my half of the ticket. If I wasn’t surrounded by my entire family, I probably would have started crying. I can’t express how incredibly blessed I felt in that moment.

The weeks went by quickly after that, and still no notice of him cancelling. About a week after my birthday I read an article that David Tennant’s father passed away and I thought, “Here comes the email with the bad news,” but again, no email. He was still going to go greet his fans, God bless him.

During all of this, I couldn’t help but feel like God had his hand on the entire thing. James 1:17 says, “Every good and perfect gift is from above…” I know it may seem silly to some people that going to a comic convention to meet my favorite actor is a perfect gift from God, but I believe that God cares about what we care about and he wants to bless us and give us our hearts desires. I finally began to have a peace about this whole thing as it drew closer. The night before we left my mom and I were searching the website trying to find a schedule, and she was getting so anxious not knowing what was happening when. Normally this would upset me too, but I wasn’t scared at all. I just knew it was all going to work out.

I can’t remember ever feeling happier than I was at the convention. I loved looking at everyone’s costumes and all the vendor’s booths. Matt and I walked around all morning looking at the endless rows of nerdy goodness and it was all so beautiful–at least in my eyes.

While waiting in the long line to get the picture taken, it was finally hitting me that I was about to meet David Tennant, my favorite actor, favorite Doctor, and possibly favorite human being. I was about to meet my hero. I was going to physically touch him and put my arm around him and he was going to put an arm around me. I kept telling myself to keep it together and not cry because I wanted to look good in the picture. When we were only a few people away from it being our turn, I could hear his voice behind the curtain greeting each and every guest with a friendly, “Hi! How are you?” in his beautiful Scottish accent, and the lump in my throat came, but I held it together.

Once Matt and I stepped through the curtain, it felt unreal! There he was, in the flesh, and wearing literally the greatest striped sweater I’ve ever seen. He looked right at me and said, “Hi! How are you?” Right away I said, “Oh my gosh! Hi!” We posed, snapped the picture with him and Alex Kingston, and then it was time to leave. He said, friendly as ever, “Bye! Have a good time!” I called back, “Thank you!” wishing he could know just how grateful I truly was. Then it was over. I did it. I didn’t cry. And it was perfect.

Later in the day, we got his autograph. After waiting in line for a painfully long time, I was afraid we weren’t going to be able to make it to his Q&A panel right after. We had guaranteed seating because we were VIPs, but I knew we weren’t going to get very good seating as we were one of the last people in line for autographs.

At the autograph booth, they asked for a name if I wanted it personalized. I told them “Ginny” and how to spell it and placed the sticky note on the poster. Matt said, “Let’s see if he says it correctly,” because, I swear, half of the people in this world pronounce my name incorrectly. “He was in Harry Potter. He has to know,” I said.

We walked up to him and he took the poster, “Hi, Ginny. How are you?” He pronounced it perfectly. I struggled to get the words out because I was so nervous, “I’m great. I am so great.” I said to him. I had a few seconds while he was signing so I quickly said, “I just want to say I loved you in Jessica Jones. It was the greatest part I’ve ever seen you do. You were amazing.” He looked me right in the eyes and with the sincerest look of gratitude said, “Thank you so much for that,” and handed me my poster. “Thank you!” I called as we rushed away. I just wanted him to know how extremely grateful I was. I wish there was a stronger phrase than ‘thank you’ because I have no words to describe just how wonderful he made me feel.

Matt and I made a mad dash across the parking lot to the arena for the Q&A, only to find the VIP seating at the front packed. We won’t be able to sit together,” I thought. Then a woman dressed up as River Song stood up and held up two fingers looking at me. I nodded quickly and she motioned over to her side of the row. Right on the isle were two  empty seats about ten rows from the stage. It was perfect. We had a perfect view for the Q&A, and I was able to get several pictures. Again, I just knew God’s hand was on this whole experience.

David Tennant was such a joy during the Q&A. He was funny and engaging and perfect. There was a small child who asked him, “How does the TARDIS grow new rooms?” He was a perfect sport about it and replied, “See, I could explain it, but I know that you and I would be the only people who understand. No one else in here will understand the physics. It’s all a bit ‘wibbly-wobbly.'” Someone from the crowd shouted, “Say Jessica!” and in his sinister Kilgrave voice he shouted his infamous “JESSICAAAAAHH!” to which the crowd went crazy over, myself included. Then the sweetest moment happened when a young boy stepped up to the microphone and said, “I’m so nervous I’m shaking right now.” David sweetly said, “Oh no, don’t shake. It’s okay. Come, let’s have a chat,” and to the interviewer’s horror on stage, he got out of his seat, sat on the edge of the stage, and brought the boy on stage to sit with him. He then began to ask him several casual questions, “What’s your name? [Jonathan] How old are you?[13] How many kids do you have?” This puzzled Jonathan and he replied, “Um, zero.” After much laughter from the crowd, David finally asked, “So what was your question?” to which Jonathan said, “I don’t even remember. It seems pretty insignificant at this moment.” After asking David his question, which Jonathan was right about it being insignificant because I can’t even remember it, David gave him a huge hug and sent him back to his seat.

The Q&A was the perfect way to end a perfect day. I am so blown away by this whole experience. David was so genuine and humble to all of his fans. He made sure that every single person he interacted with felt important. He must have been utterly exhausted after posing for pictures all day and writing his name over and over again for hours, but he still greeted every single person with a huge smile and made sure that they each had their moment. During the Q&A, one of his fans said, “Thank you so much for being here, I know this must be tiring for you,” and he said, “Oh no, it’s an honor to be here. Thank you.

I may have only gotten a few seconds with David, but those few seconds meant the world to me and I will cherish them for the rest of my life. I had respect for David before, but now my respect has grown 1000x larger for him. I am beyond thankful for this once in a life time experience. I am so grateful to my parents who gave me this incredible gift, and I’m even more grateful to God. I know that this is from him. Everything this weekend worked out so perfectly and I just know he had his hand on it. I will never forget this experience!

Allons-y,

-Ginny

12993353_10206312996408577_606354844275997875_n

 

Happy New Year

2016 is here. That’s hard to believe. 2015 flew by so quickly that most of it seems like a blur. As I sit and think about the events that happened last year, I have discovered that in the everyday moments, 2015 seemed insignificant, but in the long run 2015 has shaped me into an entirely different person.

At the beginning of 2015, I was fully devoted to the theatre. I was positive that being involved in the theatre full time was my calling in life and no one could convince me otherwise. Long story short, I had a total change of heart over the summer, really over the course of a few weeks, and I changed majors. I went from theatre to English.

I discovered that the theatre world, while it’s so much fun and I still really enjoy it, wasn’t the place for me. I was there so often and the negative environment was really affecting my spiritual life.

After I made that decision for myself, I felt a sense of freedom. I felt for the first time in my life, I had peace about where my life was going. I still don’t know what this means for my future career, but all I know is this, making this choice was what God wanted me to do.

Many other things happened last year that changed me, but this was the most significant. I am still unsure of where I am heading in life, but I feel the sense of adventure that I felt when I first graduated high school again. I am excited about where God is going to take me. I am expecting 2016 to grow me significantly  more than 2015 did.

These verses came to my mind this morning. I have decided for this passage to be my motivation for the year of 2016.

Hebrews 12:1-2 NIV

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great crowd of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked our for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.”

I am excited to see where Christ takes me this year. I will continue to fix my eyes on him and follow him as I pioneer through the unknown.

A few weeks ago I wrote a blog with my bucket list for 2015. Well, here’s my list for 2016. I thought I’d share it.

  1. Spend more time/create memories with God
  2. Spend more time with my family
  3. Work on my attitude towards my family
  4. Write more
  5. Blog more
  6. Take more pictures
  7. Spend more time with friends
  8. Read at least five new books
  9. Reread at least one old favorite book
  10. Figure out what I’m doing with my life after Rock Valley
  11. Find at least one new television series to binge watch
  12. Watch all of the Harry Potter movies (Yes, I’ve never seen/read them. Don’t judge me)
  13. Clean out my closet
  14. Throw more stuff away (I tend to be a pack rat)
  15. Journal more
  16. See at least one show on Broadway in Chicago
  17. Save more money
  18. Go somewhere I’ve never been before
  19. Craft more
  20. Spend more time outside

I’ll close with this. 2016 is going to be an incredible year. Looking back at how much I’ve grown last year, I can’t wait to see who I’ll be at the end of this year. Hopefully, I’ll be stronger, braver, kinder and godlier than I am now.

I hope you are blessed by this,

Ginny

My 2015 Bucket List

It’s difficult to believe that 2015 is coming to a close.

At the beginning of 2015, I wrote a little 2015 bucket list for myself and I went back to find it in my old journal to see just how much I completed. Here it is:

  1.  Stop drinking pop/try to be healthier. I haven’t had a pop since March and I feel awesome. Never in my life I thought I would be a person who didn’t drink soft drinks, and now I honestly don’t miss it.
  2. Save more money. I started a travel jar where I put away all my spare cash to save for future adventures. I’ve also been working at creating a better budget for myself and have a new plan for saving money in 2016 which I will begin after Christmas.
  3. Buy a car. In January this year, I was blessed with my very first car, when my aunt had to replace the engine in her car and she needed a new one. Using the money I had been saving for a car, I paid for the cost of a new engine and my aunt gave me her 2001 Ford Focus. I am still thankful for this car every day.
  4. Improve my piano. This year I made a major decision to quit taking piano lessons. There were a few reasons for this, and I wrote a blog about that a few months ago, but the bottom line was that I felt like God was telling me it was the right thing to do. As usual, I am so thankful I listened to him.
  5. Finish this journal and start a new one. I actually finished that journal about three months after I wrote this. It may not seem like a big deal, but I never finish my journals. I am a journal hoarder and I always buy new journals before finishing my old ones. Finishing a journal completely was a big deal for me.
  6. Write more. I started this blog, which was huge! This is something I’ve always wanted to do. It’s opened up my mind to much more than I would have thought and it’s helped me improve my faith as well. I’ve also been writing more poetry and prose. I started a new novel that I’ve been passionately working on as well. So I think I’ve definitely accomplished this.
  7. Have more moments with God. I have been spending more time reading my Bible and praying this year than any other year in the past. I’ve gone through some very rough times spiritually, but without my realizing it, those moments have brought me closer to God and I am stronger than before. God and I have had quite the year together.
  8. Watch lots of new movies. Thank you, Netflix 🙂
  9. Read at least three new books. Paper Towns, Will Grayson Will Grayson, and Let it Snow. (All of which were written by John Green. I’ll admit it. I’m not ashamed. I’m obsessed with John Green) Of those three, Paper Towns was definitely the best one and it opened my eyes to a lot of new ideas and thoughts. I absolutely loved it!
  10. Find at least one new TV show that I love. Parks and Recreation. Once again, Thank you, Netflix 🙂
  11. See at least one Broadway show. In April my friends and I went to Chicago to see Book of Mormon and I loved it.
  12. Go somewhere I’ve never been before. Well, traveling wise, I didn’t go much outside of the Rockford and Chicago area, however, there were a few places in Rockford I went to that I’ve never been to before. I went to some new restaurants around the area that I haven’t tried. I walked around down town Rockford and went to local stores which I’ve never seen before. In February I went to a Walking Dead convention in Chicago with my friend. I’ve always wanted to go to a convention like that, and this year I finally did. I also went to the Cheesecake Factory for the first time (I know. Please don’t judge me).

I felt really good looking at this list and realizing for the most part I completed everything on it. Some of the things were simple and not a big deal, but others were huge things that made a difference in my life. I was so distracted looking through my journal entires from this year that I ended up sitting down and reading through each one of them.

If there is one thing I’ve realized, it’s this: I am not the same person that I was when this year began. So much has happened to me this year. Most of which occurred within my heart.

I started this year in a dark place. I was feeling lost and sad and alone and unloved. As I read through my journal, memories that I had forgotten about were brought back to me, and it made me so thankful that I am no longer in that place. Those difficult times have grown me as a person. This year, I have learned more about myself than I ever have before.

I can’t wait to see what God has in store for me in 2016. I think before this year is finished I will write a more detailed blog about what I’ve gone through this year and what I’ve discovered about myself. For now, I just need to get through finals week. After this week I can really celebrate the Christmas season.

Once finals are over, things will be better. Star Wars also comes out this week, so if anything, I can look forward to that. Once I finish my finals, my reward will be Star Wars.

I hope this inspires you. Remember, beautiful girl (or guy, if you’re a guy), you can do hard things.

Ginny

 

Enjoying the Now

It’s been a while. But better late than never right?

When I first started writing my blog, I told myself that I was going to post a new one each week. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha. That only lasted for about three weeks.

There are a few reasons I haven’t wrote in a while. The first would have to be school. A lot of my time has been taken over by school work. But if I’m being perfectly honest, it hasn’t taken up all of my time. I’ve had plenty of time to work on my blog, but wasting time on the internet seemed much more appealing to me than thinking of something new to write about.

Also, I’m not sure where it came from, but just in the last few weeks, I suddenly had a burst of inspiration for a novel I’m writing. So any time I’ve spent writing has been poured into that, which isn’t a bad thing. In my opinion, as long as I’m writing something, I’m never wasting my time. Whether it’s a paper for class, poetry, journaling, free-writing, or even jotting down my ideas in a notepad when inspiration suddenly hits. Each one of these things helps me grow as a writer.

A few weeks ago, however, I was thinking about how if I stop posting regularly, I will end up not posting anything at all. So even if I don’t have a great spiritual inspiration, I’ll write something. Even if it’s just a life update, or my thoughts on a subject. I still want to post stuff regularly.

I can’t believe this semester is halfway over! It flashed by so quickly, and time keeps ticking away. As much as I want the Christmas season to come and the semester to be over, I know winter break will go by even faster than this season, and then I’ll have another five months of classes and papers again. Keeping myself from rushing through life and constantly wanting the next chapter is something I am working at on a daily basis.

There have been several things happening recently that continue to be little reminders to me that I need to slow down and “seize the day” as they say.

I recently finished the novel “Paper Towns” a couple weeks ago, which was written by my favorite author and probably my biggest inspiration, John Green.

I don’t want to say this book changed my life because that sounds super cliche, but I don’t think I’ve ever read a book that hasn’t had some sort of an impact on me in some way. As a compulsive reader, I’ve learned that when you read a good book, it becomes part of who you are. It becomes part of your soul.

Anyway, the novel is all about enjoying each day and finding adventure in every day things. It’s about carpe-ing the diem out of everything, and it opened my eyes to what is really important. It’s all about making memories.

This week, our church suffered a major loss, as our consoling pastor, Pastor Josh Yang, unexpectedly passed away. He was an incredible man and had a significant impact in my own family. He was the children’s pastor when my brother and I were young kids. When I was ten years old, our mom was sick in the hospital with a staph infection. She was rushed into emergency surgery one night and we weren’t sure if she was going to make it. Pastor Josh came to the hospital and sat with our family the entire night, and while my mom was in recovery, he sat with her in the hospital. Also, when I was in high school, he was my psychology teacher for a semester. We’ve known the Yang family for several years and went to school with their kids. This loss hit our family very close to home.

The funeral service was gorgeous, and terribly sad, as he was so young and it was so unexpected. During the service, I couldn’t help but think about my own life and my own family. I was thinking about how I would be remembered if I were to unexpectedly pass away, and I was thinking about the things that really matter in life. As tragic as his death was, it was such a good reminder to me that life is so short, and as much as I want the next chapter of my life to get here, I need to remember to enjoy the moments I’m in right now.
I am taking a break from performing in theatre shows for a while, which gives me back so much time to work on other things. I have more time to focus on school, my family, my writing, and most importantly my relationship with God. I am much less stressed out this semester than I was last year, and although life is still flying by, I am thankful that I have more time to enjoy it.

I have to constantly remind myself to take care of what God has given me right now in this moment at this point in my life. It’s the moments of sitting and eating dinner with my family, or spending time with my little brother and watching funny YouTube videos that I will remember in the end. It’s the time that I spend exercising my talents and gifts that will pay off most in the end. Every time I go out with friends instead of staying home for the night, although staying home always sounds so much better than going out for me personally, I am always glad I went out in the end.

So, let this be a reminder for everyone to slow down in life, and enjoy each day. Each day is a gift from God, and as long as we are still breathing, God has a purpose for us to fulfill. Take time out of your day to bless someone, even if that’s through one short conversation, or a text message, it’s the small things like that which help us learn to appreciate the now.

I am still working on this every single day, because most days, I just want to go home and go to bed. But there is so much more to life than eat, work, sleep, repeat.

“Forever is composed of nows” -Emily Dickinson.

I hope this inspires you,

Ginny

The Existential Crisis

Joshua 1:1-9 NLT

“After the death of Moses the Lord’s servant, the Lord spoke to Joshua son of Nun, Moses’ assistant. He said, ‘Moses my servant is dead. Therefore, the time has come for you to lead these people, the Israelites, across the Jordan River into the land I am giving them. I promise you what I promised Moses: “Wherever you set foot, you will be on land I have given you–from the Negev wilderness in the south to the Lebanon mountains in the north, from the Euphrates River in the east to the Mediterranean Sea in the west, including all the land of the Hittites. No one will be able to stand against you as long as you live. For I will be with you as I was with Moses. I will not fail you or abandon you. Be strong and courageous, for you are the one who will lead these people to possess all the land I swore to their ancestors I would give them. Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the instructions Moses gave you. Do not deviate from them, turning either to the right or to the left. Then you will be successful in everything you do. Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do. This is my command–be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.'”

Last Sunday, our women’s pastor, Jen DeWeerdt spoke on this passage of scripture. If I’m being completely honest, I don’t remember much of the sermon except for this passage of scripture. And if I’m being even more honest, my attitude hasn’t been what it should be since school started. Let’s back track a little shall we?

I’m only three weeks in to this semester and I’m already feeling defeated from looking through the syllabuses at the assignments yet to come. I slumped quickly back into my “Woe is me. What am I doing with the rest of my life? What is the point of taking all these classes? Where is my life going? I’m never going to live my dreams. My dreams are stupid. I’m stupid. I will never have what it takes to do this,” mindset.

For a while, I was wondering if I was depressed. I haven’t felt this low in a long time. I’m not even sure if I’ve ever felt this kind of hopelessness before. I was also keeping most of it to myself. I wasn’t sharing it with anyone. I wasn’t even talking to God about it. I was praying every now and then, but not with the right attitude. I also haven’t diligently been reading my Bible as often as I should.

Last week I was sitting at my computer, feeling really low and turning to videos on YouTube to try to cheer me up, which usually does, but this night they weren’t working. I decided I had to talk about how I was feeling to somebody. I didn’t want to, but I knew I needed to.

So I went into the living room and slumped myself face down on the sofa, hoping my parents would ask me what’s wrong so I wouldn’t have to bring it up myself.

My mom glanced over at me and simply said, “What’s the matter?”

I didn’t want to start balling and throw all my problems at her, so I just mumbled humorously, “I don’t know what I’m doing with my life.”

She then just said, “Oh,” and continued watching TV.

I knew I had to elaborate, but I had no desire to.

My little brother then walked in (I was still laying face down on the couch) and said, “What’s wrong with Ginny?”

My mom just casually stated, “Oh, she’s just having an existential crisis.”

We eventually had a deeper conversation about how I don’t have to have it all figured out right now and I don’t have to worry about making it on my own after school because I’ll always have a home with them and how if I just continue to pray about it God will show me what to do and blah blah blah all stuff I had heard before.

It was nice to talk about it with someone, but I still didn’t feel any better about the situation.

So how does one get out of this existential crisis?

Fast forward back to Sunday. I was daydreaming during worship. I wasn’t fully invested in the sermon, but for some reason, this passage stood out to me. I couldn’t get the verse out of my head that said, “Wherever you set foot, you will be on land I have given you…” I wrote it in the notepad on my phone and continued to make myself listen. I still don’t remember most of it, I only remember the passage of scripture and what it meant to me. God has given me the place where I’m at for a reason. Even if I feel like I have no purpose at times, God put me here for a reason.

The next day I reread the whole passage to myself again and it really sunk into my heart. “Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do.”

I knew the reason I have been feeling so defeated was because I wasn’t reading my Bible and spending time with God the way I should.

That same day, still feeling a little bitter and defeated, my family decided to go to the movies because it was Labor Day and we all had the day off. Normally, I love going to the movies. It’s one of my favorite things. But, the movie we were seeing was the new Christian movie, War Room.

Okay, confession time. I really don’t like Christian movies. I find the stories really cheesy and the acting really bad, and I just really don’t like them. I had no desire to see this movie. I would rather stay home and do nothing than spend two hours of my life watching a poorly acted, cheesy movie. But the whole family was going so I had no choice.

As I was sitting through the previews of all the low-budget, family-friendly movies coming out later this year, I just said a simple prayer to myself. “God. I don’t want to be here, and I really don’t want to watch this movie. So no matter how bad it is, please just let something speak to me. Please help me to be encouraged by it.”

And let me tell you, yes, it was painfully cheesy and some of the jokes and the lines made me cringe inside, and yes, the acting wasn’t Hollywood level, but boy did God speak to me through this film. I had tears in my eyes for a large part of the movie (which I was trying to hide from my family because I was trying to play it cool and not let them know I was emotionally involved with this movie).

The message of the movie was all about the power of prayer, and I knew my prayer life was not where I wanted it to be. I finally just said, “Okay, God. I’m sorry.”

Several times throughout the movie the elderly woman (I don’t even remember her character’s name) kept saying to the other woman “The Enemy is stealing your joy. He comes to steal and to kill and destroy, and he is stealing your joy.”

It was like she was speaking directly to me. Satan has been stealing my joy, and I knew it; hence the existential crisis I’ve been in.

If I want to start prospering in everything I do, and if I want to occupy the land God has given me, then I need to step up my game and start investing into God’s Word. My entire life, I’ve never regretted reading the Bible and spending time with God. It always makes my day and my attitude better. So why is it so hard for me to do it at the times when I need it most?

I am done feeling sorry for myself. I need to step up my “battle plan” as they stated in the movie. As much as I hate to admit it, I have to say that movie sparked a new desire in me to grow my faith and my prayer life. And if you can get over the cheesiness of it, I would highly recommend this movie because the message is powerful.

So, no, I don’t know where I’m going. No, I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. But I know this. Wherever I set foot, God has given me this land. And I don’t have to be afraid because nothing will stand against me. And if I am diligently reading God’s word and spending time with Him and listening to what He has to say, I will prosper in everything I do. I will prosper in my relationships, my job, my school work, my writing, and my dreams.

I hope this inspires you,

Ginny

Baby Steps

I already wrote a blog about dreams before, but because this is a subject heavy on my heart today, I decided to go greater into detail with it.

If you follow me, then you know at this point in my life I don’t know where I’m going. I have no idea what my future has in store. I sort of know things I’d like to do, but I don’t know if that’s the plan God has for me. I can’t see the full picture and I hate it because I’m a planner, and when I don’t have a set plan, I get very anxious and fearful.

Now that you know those things, here’s what I’ve been dealing with the past few weeks.

Most people who know me know that I have a very geeky, nerdy, obsessive side to me. I can’t just be a normal fan of something. When I find something I really like, I obsess over it. Whether that be a book, a television show, a movie series, an artist, a celebrity, you name it.

Now that you know this embarrassing, nerdy side of me, I can share some of my dreams with you without you judging me…hopefully.

So my younger brother, Matt, and I have decided to send one of our favorite people on YouTube, Ryan Higa, fan mail. He has a PO box so fans can send him letters and gifts, and then he’ll make a video opening the gifts and say thank you to everyone.

Ryan Higa is one of those people that I may have a slight obsession with. My brother, Matt, and I love watching YouTubers. Sometimes we love watching YouTube more than we enjoy watching television. Ryan is our favorite though. He was the first YouTuber that we would watch continually. We’ve watched him for years and sending him this package is a big deal for us. It may not seem like much, but if Ryan opened this package in a video, it would make our year.

When Matt and I first went out to get all the supplies we needed to make Ryan Higa our gift, I had a conversation with him. I told him how God wants to give us the desires of our heart and even though this is something so simple and something most people don’t understand is a big deal for us, if we pray about it, I believe that God will bless it.

If you have read my previous blogs, specifically “This One’s for the Dreamers” then you will probably remember how one of my dreams is to travel and I’ve started a travel jar to save up to go somewhere. Okay, here comes the “Nerd Alert” again. One of our dreams is to go a convention called VidCon which is a YouTube convention in California where fans can come and meet their favorite YouTubers. I want to use that money to take my brother and I there. It would be an unbelievable dream come true for us.

So back to the package. After we made all the stuff, life got in the way and getting the package together got shoved down to the bottom of the list of priorities. Weeks passed before we thought of it again. About a week ago, I finally put the box together and I’ll be taking it to the post office this week to ship. Last week, Matt came into my room and sat down with me and we had another conversation together.

He said something to me that really touched my heart and reminded me that my words matter and he does listen to what I say to him. He said that he really feels like God is going to bless the stuff we’re doing and good things are going to happen. He said that he believes we’ll save enough money to go to VidCon and that we’ll get to meet everyone we want to meet. And he said he really thinks Ryan will open our package in his video and will love it.

Holding back my tears, I looked at him and said that I do too. It was like I needed reassurance that my words were true. Having someone else speak them to me was powerful in a way I can’t explain.

So why am I telling you this story? Well, it’s because I think this can apply to any dreams that anyone has, not just the nerdy ones. Within the past month alone, I’ve had a lot of new changes and new dreams in my heart. I feel something new in me. I feel like this year is going to be different. My first year of college was a little rough. It started out great, but as it progressed I got more and more depressed, and I think it’s because I am still trying to figure out where I belong.

But I feel like God is working something in me. I don’t know what it is. I just know I have this calling in my heart to be bigger than I am. I have a calling to stand out. I have a calling to reach out to people. I don’t quite know how I will achieve that calling, but I think God is really starting something new within me.

I can only see so far in front of me. I still don’t know where I’m going. I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. But something that’s been on my heart is this. Baby steps. I just have to take baby steps. I’ll still get to where I’m going. I just have to take each day one step at a time.

When I started school, I really thought I was going to major in music. That’s what I told people at my graduation. And after experimenting with it for a year, I realized that while I really enjoy music, I just don’t think it’s what I want to study. It’s just a hobby, not a passion.

A huge baby step I took last week was that I quit piano lessons. This was huge. I never wanted to quit, even if I wasn’t going to major in music anymore, it’s still a skill I wanted to know. I got the idea in my heart just a few weeks ago, and after praying about it for only a couple of days, I really felt like it was the right thing to do. There are a couple of reasons why.

First, it was $20 a week, which doesn’t seem like much, but when you’re a college student working for minimum wage and less than twenty hours a week, it starts to add up pretty quickly. And second, I just don’t have a passion for it the way I used to. It became more of a burden than a pleasure, and it turned from something I enjoyed into something I didn’t want to do anymore. But I didn’t want to give it up. It was a skill I didn’t want to lose. I didn’t want to be a quitter.

I talked with my mom about it and she gave me her blessing, which surprised me. I thought for sure she would tell me not to quit. This gave me even more of a peace that I was leaning in the right direction. After mulling it over for about another week, I decided that I would quit the lessons, but I wouldn’t stop using my books and teaching myself how to play. I didn’t want to lose what I had already learned.

So I did it. I quit my lessons. When I quit, I felt such a peace about it, and that’s how I knew it was another baby step in the right direction.

I also dropped out of concert choir, which as much as it surprised everyone else, surprised me the most I think. The process of going online and dropping it felt like an out of body experience. But once I did it, I felt good about it. I felt at peace and I knew it was the right thing to do.

Within the past few weeks, I’ve taken so many little steps that I feel are in the right direction. I still don’t know where I’m going, but this I do know. I will continue to dream and pray over my dreams and pray God will bless my dreams; the big ones and the little ones. I know I’ve said this before, but I’m saying it again, and I will keep saying it until my last day on earth.

So although I can’t see what’s in front of me and I don’t know where I’m going, I know this: every day of my life, every decision I make, every dollar I save, and every conversation I have is another baby step in the direction towards my destiny.

And most importantly, pray, pray, pray.

“Seek His will in all you do and He will show you which path to take.” Psalm 3:6

I don’t know where I’m going. I don’t know where God is taking me. I don’t know how to tame all these wild dreams in my heart. But I do know this, God has great things in store for me.

I hope this inspires you,

Ginny